Are you one of those people who enjoy giving but have a partner who is totally opposite?
I had a boyfriend in the past who was like that. At first, it bothered me, I felt rejected.
But then I start to ask myself questions like What if he has a good reason for not receiving gifts?
Why is so hard to receive gifts for some people?
Maybe that is not the only question that you could ask yourself. What if you look at that from your partner’s point of view?
Why do you have a need to buy him a gift? Just because everybody doing that, that is not the sign, that’s the ways it should be.
What if that is not true, that buying a gift is normal and not receiving it is not normal?
Why?
Who would you be without the story, that buying a gift is part of your love story?
What if it’s not?
Imagine that he is coming from a totally different country, where they don’t have such a habit or the way of giving. They don’t buy gifts for the loved ones.
And you would appear weird to them, with your habit of gift giving.
But they have a different habit.
They actually are generous with gifts, as long as the gift is not something tangible.
Are there some other gifts, immaterial, which he might actually expect from you.
- Give him the gift of acceptance. No matter if you agree with his opinions, accept them as a precious part of him.
- Give your love. Love him as if he is a precious gift for you.
- Give him your time. Spend as much as time possible with him and be present. Do whatever you want. But spend that time as if each moment with him is a gift.
- Give him the gift of Physical Touch. If he has a headache, gift him the head massage. Be generous with back-rubs, holding hands, deep hugs, kisses.
- Give him your support. Show him that you support him no matter what he is passionate at.
- Give him your joy. When you are full of joy when you are with him, isn’t that a special gift that could not be bought in any store?
- Give him a gift of nourishment with food. For the most people preparing a meal for the loved one is still a significant act of love.
What do you say about that kind of giving? What would your partner say about that kind of gifts?
When your partner rejecting even immaterial gifts
Does your partner feel unease when you show him too much appreciation, care, attention?
Some people have all sorts of bad memories connected with immaterial gifts. They don’t feel comfortable with those kinds of gifts either.
There is a small trick that you could use in that case. Do it silently. Not in your mind, but with your heart.
How to do that?
Move your attention to your chest, that is your heart area. Feel that part of your body and feel how you appreciate what he has done.
And then just spread that feeling to include his heart.
You don’t need to believe it, try it anyway.
The mind is the one who will try to convince you that this not working, do it anyway.
Say to your mind that you are doing scientific experiments. And you will test this hypothesis.
Give it at least 10 days. And then notice if there are any results in your partner or in you.
Signs that your gifts were received:
- You feel more love and less criticism for him
- You are criticizing less
- He is more loving and kind to you
- Unusual lucky coincidence start to appear in your life (you have a lot more luck in life)
- You have more energy
Feeling undeserving of gifts.
There is also something about being weak if you receive from another. It feels like being suddenly exposed into the light when you are in the midst of people showering you with gratitude. It is strange to feel something that is so contradicting. You want to feel another person’s gratitude and you don’t want to feel that vulnerable place.
In the end, I think the real struggle is acknowledging that part of yourself that doesn’t believe that you lovable. This core belief is functioning all the time and continually resisting anything that may oppose it.
Receiving means letting go of our armor for a moment and letting some kindness in. For many men who have spent their lives developing this shell around themselves, it is one of the more difficult feelings they have. And yet, on some intuitive level, they also know that it should feel good.
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