Have you ever had thoughts like these going thru your head:
(You could easily replace him with her)
If he would only express with words that he appreciates me. If he would only show me that he loves me, that he is attracted to me.
He is taking me for granted. He never appreciates all the work that I have done for him.
I will not show you how to change (manipulate him?) to start showing You appreciation and love.
But if you are reading my blog, you already know that this is all about you, what you can do to change your relationship without your partner.
Instead of showing you how to get his appreciation, I would like to ask you
Is it true, that you need him to appreciate you?
That’s how I discover that he could love me deeply without expressing any appreciations for me.
When I take a closer look at my life with my spouse, searching for moments when he expressed appreciation for me with words, I could not find anything.
But I also don’t miss that. The more I question all the rules of appreciation game the less I see the connection with his appreciation for me and his love for me.
Why do we play this appreciation game at all?
Why do we need appreciation?
I discover that we don’t need confirmation in the form of appreciation to feel loved.
If we fully love ourselves.
But most of us don’t love ourselves, don’t feel love all the time.
That’s why appreciation helps us in the transition period.
Appreciation opens the door to our heart, remove blockages inside us, that prevents the flow of love.
That’s why we need appreciation.
Appreciation is just one of the ways, to keep the door of the love open.
But guess what.
If you don’t work on removing blockages, you will need a constant reminder to open the doors. You will need a steady flow of appreciations from your partner (and others) for a lifetime.
That’s why the search for appreciation from our significant other is a full-time job with no vacations.
Only when you see that, you are ready to sit down and ask yourself:
I need his appreciation, is this true?
(Read more about using 4 loving questions to change your relationship)
And only then you will be willing to see the answers that are waiting inside you.
When you ask how do I react when I need his appreciations, you will see the game that you are playing to get his approval. The game that moves you away from experiencing the love that is already there.
And then you will go deeper and maybe you will hear the voice. The voice from your past, it could be your mother voice or the voice of somebody else.
The voice of disapproval and the feeling of pain will surface. But don’t stop there.
Because right there you started to play the appreciation game.
And if you continue with questions and ask:
What if I’m still waiting for my mother’s appreciation, the one that I never get.
No matter how hard I worked for it.
But do not stop there.
Go even deeper.
If you would, you would find one more person that you need admiration from.
The one that was always there for you.
I need me to appreciate me.
And if even that seems as hard work, you are right.
Who would you be in that moment, reading these and just feeling yourself, feeling your body?
That’s you, being you, feeling yourself fully, stepping outside appreciate game.
That’s the place where you could find peace for a moment and relax.
And step out of appreciation game.
And that’s the place inside you that will allow you to feel the love from your partner without playing appreciation game.
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