These days internet is full of articles about New years’ resolutions for a better marriage.
When it comes to New years’ resolution, there are two groups of people, one group who still believe that this year will be different and
another group who just gave up on setting goals.
Have you ever asked yourself why they don’t work and how they can?
Why they don’t work?
Change is like charging up a steep hill-you may run out of wind before you reach the crest, or the thought of all the work ahead makes you give up no sooner than you’ve begun.
There is an alternative to that.
How New years’ resolutions can work?
It is another path altogether, one that winds so gently up the hill that you hardly notice the climb. It is pleasant to negotiate and soft to tread. And all it requires is that you place one foot in front of the other.
3 main reasons why New years’ resolution don’t work:
- we are afraid of failure
What if we will not succeed, what if we will give up before we reach the goal? Others will see as incapable of achieving anything. We will be disappointed.
We will lose hope, that we will ever experience more love in our relationship.
- We are all afraid of changes, the bigger the change, the bigger the fear.
Subconsciously we tend to always choose the “familiar, stable now” instead of the “awesome, unknown future”
- We forget to create a support system
It is always more fun and easier if we find a friend or support group that have similar goals. That is important because every goal that we set will change us.
We believe that if we change something in our relationship, that will be naturally excepted as a good thing by our partner. But if our partner doesn’t feel comfortable with our change,
that will discourage us. Eventually, s/he will see the benefit, but initial resistance could take away our enthusiasm. That why it is important to be surrounded by people who are also going thru similar change.
3 ways that New years’ resolution will always work:
- Turn your relationship goal into smaller goals
- Taking small steps – avoid the fear of change that will sabotage your progress
- Asking small questions
Turn your relationship goal into smaller goals
Did you know that small goals lead to more rewards?
If your goals are small, then everything will be easier. Your brain will think ‘That’s easy’ I know I can do that!
You will achieve your goal even before you will run out of motivation or feel guilty of procrastination or giving up.
Taking small steps – avoid the fear of change that will sabotage your progress
This method is something of an open secret; It can slip into even the tightest of schedules.
It is a technique for achieving goals with small steps. It goes beyond just regularity and endurance. It’s a whole strategy developed to confuse your innate resistance to change and acquire new behaviors without upsetting the natural state of your brain because all improvements should take place gradually.
Change can be scary. The whole point of this approach is to “re-program” your brain to stop being afraid of new patterns and behaviors because subconsciously we tend to always choose the “familiar, stable now” instead of the “awesome, unknown future”.
By taking small steps your brain will begin removing obstacles, creating a new connection between your neurons, encouraging your brain to get involved in the whole process of change without switching on your reprogrammed “fight or flight response”, that you characteristically feel in response to stressful situations of change.
Many people are afraid of embarrassing themselves in front of others and so they give up, explaining that they didn’t have time, blaming some external circumstances or finding other excuses. The fear of failure overcomes our attempts at self-improvement.
Find more ideas about What kind of small steps to take in MY FREE RESOURCES LIBRARY:
Asking small questions
Behind asking small questions is the same principle as with small steps. Finding ways to implement such a small change, that we don’t sabotage our progress because of fear of change.
For instance, try asking yourself these questions:
What is one small thing that is special about me?
What is one small thing that is special about him?
What is one small thing that I admire about her or him?
If you continue to ask yourself this question over time, you’ll program your brain to look for what’s good and right about you and your spouse instead of noticing what your relationship is lacking or what is missing.
Find more ideas about questions to ask in MY FREE RESOURCES LIBRARY:
How I used small steps method in my relationship:
– The 30-day challenge of taking time in the morning (1 minute) to observe my partner and imagine that he is stranger, that I knew nothing about and wondering how interesting it would be if I knew more about him.
– One I did the 31-day challenge of spending 1 minute each day asking about one annoying habit If there would be a reason why is he doing that, what would it be? And I just start making up totally meaningless or crazy answers. When I get to the day 15, I wasn’t annoyed anymore.
– 30 days challenge of doing something nice for him or doing some chores instead of him. And I have a time limit – 5 minutes per day not more. Even I was surprised at how much energy that gave me.
I have to admit that I constantly change the ways to do that. But the results are always there and inspire me to keep inventing new challenges to bringing more love into my relationship.