When your beloved cheated of you, it often feels like s/he stabbed the knife deep into your heart.
You are bleeding and the most useless advice would be to feel less than, worthless, forgive them or punish them or blame them or follow any steps to get over an affair or even save your marriage or relationship.
None of that will stop bleeding and heal the wound of the broken heart.
You need to take care of the wound first and clean the open wound before you do anything else. You need to take care of the wound first and clean the open wound before you do anything else.
You are in a state of shock.
The sooner you take care of the open wound the sooner it will start to heal.
So take care of yourself first.
The most urgent step to get over an affair that you need to do is:
Clear the wound of all the harmful toxic stuff – 1.step to get over an affair
What is that harmful toxic stuff?
emotions ( did you ever look at emotions as stuck energy, the energy that is stuck by believe-thought)
like anger, sadness, thought of unworthiness, being less than, not being lovable
There is nothing wrong with feeling anger, rage, sadness.
The problem is that you try to keep them, keep this stuck energy. And more you try to keep them, the more they infecting the wound with harmful bacteria and prevent it from healing.
You were stabbed, your heart is bleeding and you need to clear it of everything that preventing healing of it.
How to clear the wounded heart?
Feel the emotions, let them into open, do not keep them in your heart, let them out.
Crying, expressing anger, rage, are all the ways to clear toxicity out of you.
Use the tears, writing the journal, record it, scream it, sing it out, dance it, create a sculpture, go to nearest river, brook and throw stones, Punch a pillow, do something physically to put all this toxic stuff out, running. Physical activity is a great way to allow this stuck energy to be released.
I used cycling way back to ease the pain. Even though back then I did not know that is more than just being relieved from the pain. I did not know that is also healing and releasing deep sited emotions and old pain from childhood that was never allowed to be released.
It could take days and what you are releasing could well be a lot more than just pain from being cheated on, it could go way back to all the situations where you were not allowed to release emotions and need to stuff them. You could even schedule half an hour for a week, two, month to release all that burden.
2. step – Validation for the truth about what happen
You need to admit to yourself that what happen, hurt and is painful and horrible and such and hurt. Avoid people who try to convince you that this feeling of pain will pass.
As Helene Brenner said it:
It’s like water to the inner self. When life gives you lemons, the last thing you need is another person to throw sugar on them and pretend it’s lemonade. Maybe tomorrow you’ll decide to launch the lemonade franchise equivalent of Starbucks, but let that idea first come from your mouth, not from the mouth of a member of the Happy Brigade. Today, while the wound is still hurting, such happy talk only makes you feel alienated from the rest of humanity. Today, what you want is for others to respect, or even better, echo resoundingly with the truth of your present experience.
5 ways to release painful emotions of betrayal
- Release the energy of painful emotions
- Surrender your painful emotions to the universe.
- Release stressful thoughts attached to painful emotions
- How to release painful emotions with the help of your heart
If you want to know more about ways to release painful emotions of betrayal get access to my resource library of tools for healing.
Put the healing balm on your wounded heart – 3.step to get over an affair
When that wound is at least partially clean of toxic stuff, only then you could start to think about how to heal it. What is the most effective and fast way to heal the wound?
Feeling of love.
The heart is your source of inner power. So it is paradox that you could not bandage it so tightly that nothing could come thru. You need to put on the bandage that will allow love into and still releasing
Healing sources to the wound.
The love from the outside is a healing balm.
Does not matter what the source is.
If you have the child, then his love could be the healing energy for your wound. If you have any pet, pets are also big sources of love.
The beauty of nature is another fountain of love.
I know from my experience when I am wounded, that I could feel maybe 1% of all that love, but do not underestimate the healing power of that love, even if you could not feel it.
It is natural, that you also closed your heart so to not be even more wounded.
Naturally, thru that closed heart, you could not feel much. But will help you to open a little, so that healing energy of love could come in and start the process.
When the wound is still bleeding
While the healing love will start healing the wounded heart, there will still be toxic stuff occasionally coming out of the wound in most cases. Let them be released, use any way that you used at the beginning of our process that is best working for you.
After wound close and there is this deep scar – fear of being wounded again arise
Now that you have gone thru the worst, the pain is not so acute anymore and open wound close and only scar remain, the fear creeps in.
One of the processes that I used to deal with the fears was the process of using 4 questions – the work of Byron Katie
4. Find someone who will sit with you with the wide open heart without trying to get you to feel better
When you are deeply wounded, the last thing that you need is people who try to comfort you and make you feel better. Avoid them. They don’t feel comfortable
with your emotions. That will slow down releasing your pain and hurt.
Find someone who will just sit with you and be with you. Who will not try to change you? Who is brave enough to sit with you without feeling your pain. Who is openhearted enough
to hold you in his or her love until you are capable of feeling love again.
That was the one thing that enormously changes the intensity of the hurt. Sometimes it is hard to tell if the person sitting next to you is capable of that. The only measure for me was; if the pain was less intense.
If there is no-one, sit with the kids or animals, they have wide open hearts and enough love for both of you.
5. step to get over an affair – Protect your heart from being hurt again
How to protect your heart from being hurt again?
Your heart did not break to be closed again. It breaks wide open for a reason.
You don’t heal the pain by closing your heart. You healed it by opening your heart to life, to the whole universe. The more you open, the more
love could come in. The more love came, the less you feel the pain. And then eventually the love overflows the pain and hurt.
The more you feel loved the less you feel hurt.
Are you afraid that if your heart becomes bigger and more open, others will take advantage of you?
Like in the case when they said she has so big heart that everybody walks on it. That is not the sign of a big open heart, that is the sign of you missing in your body, life.
When you are missing in your life, nobody is there to protect your heart.
The more you are missing, the easier is for others to hurt you, to attack you.
So what to do, to stop missing?
Stop being everything that you believe you need to be for your partner
Stop being the ideal woman (men) that will be loved and never hurt.
Start being you.
Only being you will make you happy. And you know the happiness that you will shine will be the best protection from being cheated on. Nobody who is dishonest and has a lot to hide doesn’t like to be exposed to light, so they will not even come into your life anymore. There will be no magnetic attraction between you too.
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