3 Uncommon Ways to love your partner unconditionally:
– Step outside any definition of unconditional love
(beyond loving everything about your partner, the good and the bad)
– Love unconditionally when you are angry
(transform the energy of anger into love)
– Remove the reasons that you turned your unconditional love into conditional.
(conditional love is something that you learn, unconditional love is something that you were born with)
What does actually mean to love your partner unconditionally?
Some say to love someone unconditionally without expecting anything in return.
Another definition says that if you love someone unconditionally you love everything about them, good and the bad.
What if there is another way to love your partner unconditionally?
We say I love you because… (fill in everything that you like about your partner).
We say I love you in spite of (fill in everything that you don’t like about your partner)
But how many times we say I love you without thinking about all that.
Sometimes we just want to be seen for who we are at the moment. Without needing to be or do anything for that. Just to be seen as a human being.
Being appreciated and admired for just being.
To be seen without all the roles that we play, the role of husband, wife, lover, mother, friend, valuable member of any club or society.
To be seen without being labeled as loving, kind, compassionate, deep, supportive, curious, adventures, faithful, trustworthy….
I saw more than once how people were touched when a total stranger looks them into the eyes without knowing anything about them, just see them.
Not seeing them as X or Y.
But just seeing them, seeing a human being.
Some confused that with falling in love. Because it feels so good to be seen.
When was the last time that you look at your partner like that?
Who would you see without everything that you like or don’t like about him (her)?
How to love unconditionally when you are angry?
It’s not easy to love unconditionally when our significant other push our buttons and we get upset, angry or just hurt.
But what if we could actually use that situation to open our heart, our source of love more?
When something painful touches your body, you pull away instinctively. The same thing happens, when your partner ‘hit’ you with words that upset you.
You try to pull back and protect yourself. Your heart is trying to protect itself so that it doesn’t have to experience that unpleasant feeling again. With other words, you closed your heart and with that, you prevent yourself from feeling anything, even love.
Usually, you use one of the following ways to deal with emotions of anger or upset:
– Cope (run away) from them (with food, alcohol, cigarettes or any other addiction – including overworking)
– Express them (it will only give you a short-term feeling of relief. However, it does not eliminate the emotions but simply relieves the pressure of it.)
– Suppress them (pushing feelings down causes a build-up of repressed energy that will eventually take their toll on your emotional and physical health.)
What if you would do something totally different?
When you feel angry or upset, simply view it as energy. Just start seeing these inner experiences as energy passing through your heart. Then relax. Do the opposite of resisting and closing. Relax and release. Relax your heart until you are actually face-to-face with the exact place where it hurts. Stay open and receptive so you can be present right where the tension is. You must be willing to be present right at the place of the tightness and pain, and then relax and go even deeper.
Just watch your mind talk and creating more and more drama and keep relaxing and releasing tension from your body. Do not try to stop your thoughts.
Keep relaxing. Relax your shoulders and relax your heart. Let go and give room for the pain to pass through you. It’s just energy. Just see it as energy and let it go.
What will happen is that your heart will not close. It will open even more.
You just used your anger to open your heart more.
Remove the reasons that you turned your unconditional love into conditional
Did you know that conditional love is something that you learn from other people, parents, teacher, friends, relatives…
Unconditional love is something that you were born with. You have the ability to radiate unconditional love to your parents and other people around you. When they were not open enough to accept that (because of fears that closed their hearts) you love bounced back and you sense that there is something wrong with loving unconditionally. It was a foreign sensation for you and you perceived it as pain. Then you learned if you stop expressing your unconditional love you stop radiating unconditional love from your warm heart.
The best description about that process that I found came from Penney Pierce in her book Frequency:
You-the-organism are energy efficient and looking for love to sustain you. You learn that your energy doesn’t bounce back uncomfortably if you adapt your behavior to match your parents’ beliefs and unconscious body postures. You copy them and stop trying to express yourself when you can’t get through. You won’t be expansively creative if you’re punished for it. You stop being affectionate if it makes your parents uncomfortable and rigid. You stop radiating warmly from your chest or eyes if your mother’s eyes are unresponsive or your father’s heart is hard. You learn to be silent because your mother is more relaxed then, or walk like your father because it validates him, or act funny because the moments of laughter feel better than the absences created by your workaholic parents.