Why some couples never fall out of love?
One of the secrets to my long-term relationship (18 years so far) are my rose-colored glasses.
Or with different words, my LOVE BLINDNESS is one of the reasons that I still did not fall out of love.
I know that maybe even you think that could actually be harmful. But is it true?
What is actually love blindness?
When we first fall in love with someone, we tend to worship the ground they walk on. We see them as the most attractive, smartest and loving person in the world.
It feels magical and you suddenly feel like you have tons of energy and joy and excitement.
Those who eventually take their partner off of this pedestal after months or years of being together, they never connect that with the fact that they gradually fall out of love. Most of them never connect this two facts, love blindness and losing a magical feeling of being in love.
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What science discovers about love blindness?
You could find proof of that love blinders (but not the reason behind) for that even in the scientific study by Sandra L. Murray (University of Michigan).
She discovers in the study about The Self-Fulfilling Nature of Positive Illusions in Romantic Relationships that Love Is Not Blind, but Prescient.
In summary, the partner who idealized one another appeared more prescient than blind, actually creating the relationships they wished for as romances progressed.
In contrast intimates in less satisfying marriages perceive less virtue in their partners.
Science and personality trait that causes you to stay madly in love in a relationship?
In his studies psychologist Marcel Zentner, Ph.D., of the University of Geneva, couldn’t find any combination of personality traits in a relationship that leads to long-term romantic love – except for one. One’s ability to idealize and maintain positive illusions about their partner — seeing them as good-looking, funny, intelligent and caring, or generally as a dream partner.
Are we all born with LOVE BLINDNESS?
When I was the little girl, I always saw people differently than others did. Appearance was the last thing that I saw. I saw kindness, potential strength, and talents in them.
I did not know then that I saw them with my heart while everybody else uses their eyes. My family saw me as being softhearted and that equal being weak in my family. My mother finally said to me, that I need to put down my rose-colored glasses and see people as they are.
She then mentioned that my girlfriend took advantage of me precisely because of that.
You need to see people as they are – the worse advice that I ever get
So I learn how to stop seeing people that way.
But to succeed with that I need to turn off my feelings for them.
And with that, I CLOSED MY HEART.
But the price that I paid for that was high. With the closed heart, nobody could love me.
And I spend years to find out why I keep ending being alone.
What happens after I stop using that insane advice
It took me years to discover how harmful it is when you turn off your feelings, close your heart to stop seeing people beyond appearance.
Now, with my heart wide open (every day more) I enjoy seeing my husband beyond the appearance directly into his heart.
I am still in process of learning how to see him with my own eyes. Not on the way that society taught me.
When they say love is blind, I agree.
My love for my partner is not blind, I just stop using eyes to see him and use HEART instead.
I don’t call that blindness, I see my partner with my heart.
Maybe I am the only one, who see my husband beyond the appearance, beyond his actions, beyond his behavior.
And what I see is beautiful and soft and loving and kind and radiant and full of love.
The things that bother many of my girlfriends at their husbands I even don’t notice.
Love blindness to outer appearance and personality could actually save your relationship and keep the spark alive.
I figure out that when I focus on my husband personality then his personality will respond to me. When I focus on his heart, his heart will be touched. And will respond on the only way that heart knows- with love.
What if love could never be blind
We are born with a wide open heart. We blindly love our parents or caretakers. We adore them, we trust them. And there is no end to the love that we feel for them.
Until they start to teach us that there is something wrong with that.
Others will take advantage of you, hurt you, they say.
Or they reject our love and in our pain, we close our heart. We believe that is the only way to live on this planet Earth.
But nobody teaches us how we could keep our heart open without being hurt and still more than survive.
How to keep your heart open without being hurt by others
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Secret connection between non-judgment and heart
A heart is a funny thing. It could not think and because of that could not compare my partner with others. So there is no reason to criticize.
There is nothing to judge. And without a daily dose of small criticism or non-satisfaction with our spouses, we are left with enormous energy. An energy that we would spend on criticizing,
and being stressed out.
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