Do you want to be right or get the love that you deserve?
It’s just that simple. You need to choose before you use any process or way to fight in a relationship.
Why?
Because two things will happen:
– you will see that that thing that you want to be right about is less important than love that has with your partner and the fight will be over before you even start
– you will fight for love not just to be right and that will change everything
I fight with my spouse because I believe that’s the only way to get the love, attention, kindness, respect, admiration, adoration, tenderness from him.
There are three important things to know about the fight for love:
- You need to be right is actually not coming from your authentic self.
That’s not who you really are. That’s just the part of you. If you decide to fight, you need to bring all of you into this fight for love. - Start realizing that you could either be right or get the love you deserve.
You can’t have both. You still can fight but you need to decide what you will fight for.
It’s about realizing that you need to choose the right goal for you fighting.
You need to choose between being right and getting the love that you deserve as your goal for fight. - You need to fight as a team, your logical mind, and your heart and feelings.
Here it is not about choosing between what your logical mind wants – being right and between your heart and feelings – that want to love and be loved.
It is not choosing between them, it is using both of them together. It is not about abandoning one part of you in favor to other. It is not about seeing your mind as the one getting into the way to your happiness. It is about seeing that both parts of you could serve you well. You just need to give each of the tasks that they are best suited for.
How to use your feelings and logical mind to fight fair?
Your heart is the source of love. That is the place, where you need to go to get the energy of love that you will need to fight fair. Move into your heart and feel your heart. If you are starting or you are in the middle of an argument, you could not feel the love for your partner. But you could feel your heart center. You could feel that part of your body. You could breathe in and breath out of your heart center three times. That will connect you and open you up to the energy of love that you need for your fight. I’m not saying to feel the love for your partner or even for you. Just feel yourself in your heart center. That will connect you with you and your inner power. You could call that inner power love or you could call it just you.
Only when you feel the love or better put you feel yourself you could move into your mind. With the feeling of love from your heart, you are open to fight with the only weapon that is effective. That is the power of you and your inner wisdom.
Now you could use your logical mind.
There are three rules to fight fair in a relationship:
- You start every sentence with I feel and then express what you want.
- You end every sentence with I don’t know if that has anything to do with you, I just know that’s what I feel and how I see it.
- Then just give up your problem
Do you know what GIVING UP mean? It means that you give what you want UP. The word GIVING UP means that you give it to someone that is UP THERE. That could see what you want and your problem from the higher perspective. It is like giving your problem to life itself. If you imagine that life has some higher structure, intelligence that is leading our life, orchestrating everything to flow, so that we live with each other in harmony, even you and your spouse. There is some intelligence bigger than our logical mind. The universal computer, the universal mind that will find a way to give you what you want./li>
That’s my way of fighting far.
So far I always (except ones) got what I want in my relationship. It was not always from my partner.
I have to admit that many times I did not get what I wanted in the form that I wanted.
But I always got the feeling of love that I wanted with that thing, just in different form.
I am still wondering if that one case when I did not get what I want, there is still something somewhere traveling thru space and time to bring me something- more love.
It’s just that something else needs to happen before.
Love will always surprise you.
Now I know that I am not fighting with my spouse to be right.
I fight with my spouse because I believe that’s the only way to get the love, attention, kindness, respect, admiration, adoration, tenderness from him.
I still fight from time to time, but sooner or later I catch myself (better put my heart catch my mind) before I use the old, outdated process to get what I deserve more love. And switch to my new process.
But most of the time, I don’t fight at all. I just skip the process of a fight as a way to get more love. There are other ways to get more of what I want from my partner.
Four tools to get more love (in all kind of forms) from your partner:
- Appreciation
- Communication (put love into every word that you say to your partner)
- being authentic
When you are authentic, you allow yourself to do a thing that brings you joy and your partner love to be around that joyful being and express love more) - Being grateful
That was the thought one for me. To show how excited I am when I got something from him. Or showing my feelings or even expressing them with words, when he gives me anything. Not just material stuff, but doing stuff for me, being kind, being tender, and showing admiration. I learned to hide those feelings. I learned not to express them. When I was 5 years old my mother told me that I receive so many toys that year that it would be kind if I pick few ones and give them away to other kids that have not been so fortunate. It was not just toys that I give away. It was all the love and feelings of love that I got from others together with toys that I had to give away.
So for a long time, I was afraid to feel anything when I received the gift in any form, being sure deep down in my heart that it will be taken away. Better not to be too excited, it will be taken away sooner or later. Every act of kindness from my partner was perceived with the fear that soon there will also be taken away from me.
