I’ll be the first to admit, well, maybe not the first, but I’m admitting it anyway: it’s not that easy to be playful.
Even when I know that playfulness and fun bring more harmony, delight, surprises and loving kindness in my relationship. Even science confirm that playfulness makes the relationship more strong.
Partners, who enjoy the playfulness of each other, in a child-like way, reveal the depth of their bonded love connection. Looking from the outside leaves no doubt about the solid foundation of intimacy shared by these partners in their relationship.
Then why don’t we play and have fun more?
Since I was 7 and start the school, I was repeatedly told, that play and having fun is something that came after you done all the work.
I was told that play is something that happens after you finish your homework and study for school after you finish practicing the instrument and after all the work around the house and in the garden was done. If there was any time left.
And I slowly forgot how to have fun and learn to be serious. Almost all the time.
Then at 39, I got a little baby.
He was so cute and out of nowhere, I start talking to him all those silly nonsense and enjoying his responses.
He became a toddler and he wants to play with me, all day. At first, it was a burden to me. I didn’t know how to play. I hated playing. It was boring.
How on earth that happens? That I start to see playing as boring?
When my 7 years old ME believed that opposite was true. That being serious is boring.
Why we stop being playful?
The journey of discovering why I lost my playfulness begin right there, sitting on the floor in my living room surrounded by legos and brick and cars and my son.
What I found out was not that at 40 or 50 I need to enjoy playing with legos and children toys. No.
What I found out was that I need to find ways to practice bringing back my long lost self.
The playful self, who knows how to be silly, to laughs at mistakes, to enjoy simple surprises.
Benefits of playfulness and fun in our life’s:
it changes our perspective on many things, events and people, even daily chores and to do list.
When we are playful we stop controlling our partner, we don’t even care if we are right. We don’t hold onto any opinion,
it brings healing of past relationship hurt, childhood pain, it frees us from self-importance.
When we don’t care about being important, we relax and enjoy ourselves more,
– It frees us from being right
We are freer to choose new ways of doing the thing, new ways of seeing things. We don’t care if we are right because when you are in this playful state; there are no right or wrong ways.
We discover that serious way to look at life bring us apart, make the distance between us and our partner.
When the playful way to look at life moves us closer to other people, closer to our significant other
How to find what is fun for us?
- Start with making a list of the things you do for no reason except for fun.
- Make a list of things that you do for others just for the pleasure of giving
- Make a list of small things that bring you moments of light, ease, relaxation
- Add one big thing to that list
Bringing the minor together with the major enriches our understanding of both, our embrace of all. Seeing that when we are playful, there is no scale to measure if it brings us 1mg of having fun or tones of fun.
Ways to practice playfulness:
- start with things that are meant to be fun in the first place- games
Since games and toys are made for that very purpose, they are the best tools to use in your exploration of fun-making
- add playfulness to every day’s chores
- add playfulness to your work
- take play-break
- make space for surprises and new in your daily schedule
- do your task differently, add something to them
Remembering the art of having fun with other people.
When you were a kid, it was natural for you to have fun with your playmates, no matter what you did. You did not need to learn that.
You were born with that.
You were actually a teacher to your parents, help them to remember how to play and have fun. Something that they knew but forgotten a long time ago.
Why have we lost our ability to play and have fun?
One reason is as I already mention that growing up we learn that play happens after you do all the work to survive. And having fun while you work is the sign that you are careless, irresponsible and untrustworthy. You are not worthy of taking on responsibilities.
With one word adults teach you that part of growing up is being serious about your life.
Even in a relationship, there is a saying, stop playing with the opposite sex, commit to a serious relationship. And some get so serious, that that lead them right into divorce, because of boredom and lack of aliveness.
Three reasons why playfulness will bring more love to your relationship:
- When your partner has a best bad day possible – and you choose to be in a playful mood
Of course, it will irritate him at first. How dare you disturb him in being in bad mood, he has a valid reason, he has right to be upset. But playfulness is like a virus of happiness, it will spread, sometimes sooner, sometimes later, but nobody is immune to it. That could prevent spreading bad mood in your relationship. It could prevent from starting arguments over nothing. That could stop creating problems, that has its source outside of your relationship and has nothing to do with two of you.
- When you are in the middle of an argument – it will ease the tension
Our kid once pointed out, when I and my husband were arguing about something and we both firmly believe that we are right. He said: oh, now you are exactly the same as the couple in the comedy that we watched yesterday. You know, when the husband said that … And we all start to laugh.
- when you are worrying too much over some problems
When you are worrying over something, you are focusing too much on the problem and could not see the possible solution when it will appear. If you get distracted by playing, you will automatically be in more open, not so focused way of thinking. That could help you too see the possible solution; you could even see how insignificant the problem that you are worrying over is. Even if none of that would happen to you, you will still not waste your time with unproductive worrying. And your partner will be grateful to have you around instead of avoiding you.
You can’t make your self more playful –it just happens
Sure, the more you play, the more you get to be playful. Even more sure, the more you get to be playful the more likely it is that you’ll respond playfully to just about anything.
But it’s never just you that makes you so playful.
Most of the time it’s you and something else – like you and the wind, or you and the play of light, or the play of something alive, or the reflection of light in someone’s eyes, or you in the reflection of someone else’s moment of delight, or you and the touch of wind on your body, or the touch of a child or a pet or a lover or the rain.