Have you been single for a while? Are you longing for a relationship?
Others look at you like you are missing something.
You are still single, people ask?
And you could see the unspoken thought behind their eyes, more statement than questions, there must be something wrong with her. Something that you could not see. Something that pushes others away.
No matter how long you are single, sooner or later depressing thoughts arise inside your mind:
Why I can’t find love? There must be something wrong with me, that I am still single.
And you became more and more depressed about being single for so long.
Why does being single have nothing to do with not being good enough or worthy of love?
And then the fears arise.
You feel the fear that you are unlovable. There is something deeply wrong with you. And you even could not find out what it is.
So you start searching.
And try to be like everybody else. And instead of being more of who you are (because nothing else will make YOU happy), you try to become the ideal person, that would be worthy of love.
You are not like everybody else – and that makes you unique, beautiful, and worthy of love.
What if trying to find out what is wrong with you and change that is not the solution?
Is it not?
Imagine having a friend who treats you badly or takes advantage of you. Would you still hang out with that friend and thrust him? Of course not.
You would rather be alone until you find a new friend that you could trust.
Why being single for so long is a sign of one unique quality that we all seek in a deeply loving relationship
Somebody hurt you way back in your childhood and you decided to never love and trust again. And build the armor around your heart and protect yourself. But then you forgot all about why you decide to build the armor and protect yourself.
You just keep this protection. Not getting too close to people or get involved with people who are distant or keep abandoning you.
Do you see that you did the best you could for yourself and you are still taking such good care of yourself?
That you are doing the best thing for yourself.
There is nothing wrong with you there is something right about you.
Be proud of yourself for being single. There is a reason.
Being single for so long – a sign of having one precious quality that everybody seeks in a partner – the ability to protect love and heart.
Somebody hurt you and you develop the ability to protect your heart
When you catch a cold, do you feel less than others because you get cold? No, but you stay inside and in bed if it is a really bad cold and rests. And take good care of yourself. You don’t go out and enjoy the company.
Being single because somebody hurt you and cause you to put armor around your heart is the same.
You stay home and protect yourself from attack by closing your heart.
isn’t that quality that we all seek in the partner,
to protect the love from being taken away or threaten?
How to figure out when to use that ability and when not to use it?
The only problem is that you don’t know when it is safe again to drop the armor and open the heart to love from others again.
It’s just easier with cold. Because you know when you don’t have a cold anymore.
And it is not so easy with a closed heart. Because you don’t trust long after the danger is over that you could open it again.
But you have years of practicing sheltering and protecting the love and it became one of your core strengths.
Now that you develop it, you could use it in the relationship
and protect love between you and your partner instead of being depressed about being single for so long.
When it is safe to put down the armor?
Only thing is that would be good to realize that you are in a warrior outfit and the war is over.
I think that you and I should congratulate you. For taking such good care of you. Protecting you when you need protection.
You should be proud of yourself. You defend yourself when nobody else was around to do that for you.
When you look at others who are not single, you should see them as a citizen of some foreign country, without any war zone. They don’t need to defend themselves.
But you were born in the center of the war zone. You survive, you protected yourself, never gave up on yourself. You are the knight in shiny armor that you dream about for so long.
I don’t know why you lived in the war zone and need to defend yourself and why others didn’t. I have no idea.
But be proud of yourself that you did not give up on yourself. Don’t be ashamed of the warrior’s scars that you got during the battle.
They do not make you less than people in happy relationships.
Be proud of your armor
Wear your warrior’s scars and hurt with pride.
Be damn proud of yourself.
You are a hero, with experience.
You could easily give up on yourself and your life in the middle of the battle, but you didn’t.
So instead of feeling less than others because you are single, do the last step in your life battles.
Realize that the war is over for you, drop the armor and open your heart, stop protecting yourself.
And then help the remaining warriors that still fight on the battlefield to follow your step.
You are the knight in shiny armor for them, a role model for them.
They need you to see that it is possible, to drop protections and defenses.
If you would like to know more about How to feel SAVE so that you can stop feeling like you are still 5-year old protecting yourself from being hurt by people
then Take a first step! Create safety in your body and with other people
Being a single too long open your heart more because …
Being single for a long time could lover your expectation about your future partner.
The longer you are single the more you give up things from your list of must-have qualities of your dream partner.
Even some non-negotiable could disappear from the list.
Why on earth would that be a good thing, to give up a list of qualities that you expect in your future partner?
Let me ask you, who make the list?
Was it your mind that came up with a list or your heart?
Or maybe even not your mind but what mind of others, society, love expert, friends, media, books, magazines, relationship gurus told you?
What about what your heart say?
Why would you listen to your mind instead of your heart in the matter of love? And I am not talking about emotions that are just extensions of the mind.
Emotions are just stuck energy that gets glued to the beliefs from the mind.
Your mind made a list and you want the relationship with the heart of your dream partner.
Doesn’t make a lot of sense, does it?
Wouldn’t you rather make a list that came from the heart?
It is just you could not think with your heart, you could just feel love, and the moment you start thinking you block the flow of love.
The more empty is your mind list of must-have qualities, the less you block the flow of love.
And there is something else.
A lot of people hide behind the image that they build about themselves because they believe that you or somebody else will love that image more than who they are.
When you don’t have a list of must-have qualities, you are OK with whoever they are.
And your future partner could relax, stop proving that he is good enough, and just be who he is in his heart.
You are not convinced that that could be so?
How do you feel and act in the presence of somebody who accepts you for who you are?
Doesn’t that bring the best parts of you out?
List of qualities or expectation limit you to see a real person behind the outer image of your partner.
The less expectation you have the more you see the beauty of the partner and the less you see the outer image.
The less you compare it with your ideal list of qualities, the more you could see in him directly into his heart, not just mind.
Would you like to remove the armor, that is protecting your heart?
Read more about HOW TO OPEN YOUR PROTECTED HEART HERE