When your relationship break up and the love of your life leave, does your mind keep coming back to these three questions:
What is wrong with me?
Am I good enough?
Am I worthy of love?
There is nothing wrong with these questions.
Excerpt they have nothing to do with your breakup.
The moment your mind hear these questions, it starts looking for proof that
– there is something wrong with you
– that you are not good enough
– that you are not worthy of love.
Are you worthy of love?
The question Are you worthy of love?
will bring up all the subconscious believes why you are not worthy of love.
This question will bring up
every word that you heard from others in you life in the moments when
they did not get what they want from you and
reject you or make you feel unworthy of their love.
There is a lot of data that your mind collected thru your life from others.
None of them is proof of you being unworthy of love.
But the feeling of others withdrawing love from you keep those words inside you.
The fear of loosing love is also there. You didn’t do what others wanted from you and they punished you with withdrawing attention and love from you.
That has nothing to do with your worthiness of love.
It has everything to do with fear of abandonment.
Because of the fear the following scenario will start to happening:
You will start to doubt into yourself.
You will try to become worthy of love, try to become good enough, try to change what you assume is wrong with you.
All that because of fear of losing love.
And with that NEVER realizing that all that is just another way to try to be PERFECT.
Perfect according to somebody else rules (or rules that your mind came up with observing when others accept you or reject you).
When you are in happy relationship, you think that you are perfect enough.
Then relationship broke up and you start to believe, that you are not PERFECT enough for you partner.
But what if it’s not about PERFECTION.
Pursuit of perfection can became just one more addiction in your life.
I think there is a lot of wisdom in Rachel Naomi Remen words:
Well, I think perfection is the booby prize in life, actually. It’s very isolating, very separating, and it’s also impossible to achieve. Perfection is always in the mind.
So you’re always struggling to become something you’re not.
When you are exhausted enough or you experience enough breakups in your life and realize that’s the wrong path, then you are ready for another path.
The path that you could follow in the first place, if only somebody explained to you what is behind the quest for trying to be worthy or good enough to be loved.
The path of touching the heart of person you love
Another path is about touching the heart of your partner. Instead of trying to be perfect partner (or even trying to find perfect partner) you see that what is really important is the heart.
How you touch the heart of your significant other. How deeply s/he touches your heart.
The moments when you feel deeply understood and touched by presence of your loved one, that is what love and relationship is really about.
That is something that stay with you even if relationship end.
What you are leaving behind you in the heart of your ex, what your ex leave behind in your heart, that what nobody could take away from you.
If you choose that path, you will never end up in regret about the past. The breakup will hurt like a hell, but there would be no regret.
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